There is a lot of abuse in self-help today. I listened to Jordan harbinger episode160, and they gave a checklist to help verify if you are poor self-help coaching. A lot of self-help makes us feel worse because it implies we are broken, to begin with, and have something to fix. The list below can help you decipher good versus bad self-help.
- What goal are you working towards with your coach?
- Are you making concrete progress?
- Who does the coach put the responsibility on if a goal is not reached, themself or you? Do they say “you just don’t want it enough” or “you are not open enough”
- What type of credentials does your coach have to ask deep emotional questions?
- What is their track record of success?
- Is your coach training you to reach your goals and not need them or be dependent on them?
- Does the self-help you’re considering offer actionable advice with an outline of desired progress, or is it packed with motivational platitudes that get you hyped up like a rocket ship being shot into the stratosphere but with no clear place to land? On the next page, list the results you’d like to achieve with a regimen of self-help, and next to them exactly how the program you’re following promises to get you there.
- Feeling: makes you feel like you have the potential to do anything!
- The next time a product or program promoting itself as self-help catches your eye, take a closer look at what it’s promising compared to its price tag. Any brand that requires an unusual amount of devotion, “time in the game,” or countless wads of cash is problematic. An extra clue: you shouldn’t have to sign a non-disclosure agreement to partake of its wisdom.
“The human mind will always exist in a state of incompleteness,” says Gabriel. “That is the design of the human brain. If it weren’t feeling incomplete, it wouldn’t go out and search for food and shelter and try new projects and look for adventure.” But this design can be exploited by self-help marketers who want to keep you on an emotional treadmill, perpetually chasing a carrot of perfection and dependent on whatever program or product they’re trying to sell you. But as long as you keep a realistic view of what self-help should do — make you better than you were yesterday, but not racing for some imaginary finish line of perfection — then you should be less susceptible to this type of exploitation. Learn from my mistake I share in greater detail in this episode. If you find yourself taking an expensive “leadership course” that’s run by “volunteers” who are paying to be there and they don’t let you take notes, the best-case scenario is you’ve signed up for a scam. Worst-case scenario? A cult. – Episode 160
“Back to Basics At the end of the day, self-help is only valuable if it does a handful of simple, concrete, timeless things. Self-help should make us happier, more fulfilled, more connected people, not more anxious, more unhappy, more frustrated people. It should give us new tools and ways of viewing the world, not easy solutions or temporary feelings. It should create habits and mindsets that we can make our own, not obligations and requirements that keep us tethered to an expert or program. Does the self-help you’re following make you better today than you were yesterday in a way you can quantify? Or does it generate feelings of unease? Does it have you comparing your journey to someone else’s Instagram-perfect success story with vague promises of helping you get there too?” – Jordan Harbinger Article towards the bottom.
The most important item I pulled:
- If you decide not to attend a coaching session, “does your coach guilt you into saying “you don’t want it enough” or “you just aren’t open,” Or are they supportive in your new journey and having the tools to move on.
- Focus on positive action instead of positive feelings – look for the self-help coaching or seminar high. Are you moving forward or just chasing a feeling?
- Look for the product – Are you in a sales funnel? You should be more skeptical if you see every increasing seminar costs, “masterminds,” and other charges. The more they seem they are trying to trap you, the more skeptical you should be.
Jordan Harbinger article and podcast
https://www.jordanharbinger.com/how-to-self-help-without-feeling-terrible/
https://www.jordanharbinger.com/deep-dive-why-does-self-help-make-you-feel-terrible/